Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
