Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
