i think my mom watched the whole time
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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