Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
