youre lurking in front of me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish you could order shots online.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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