Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
