Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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