Are we in a gay sports bar?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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