you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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