Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
