I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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