I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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