My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
