I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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