so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
