thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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