My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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