last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
