We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
