He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
we're so committed to being not committed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
