I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
