It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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