Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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