woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
