How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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