just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
