.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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