you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
