You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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