I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
