My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
