My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
