kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
