if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
