Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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