dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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