i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
