Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
