you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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