i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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