im drinking this country out of the recession.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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