Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
