By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
