Too much gin, very little bucket
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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