Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
