If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
