no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
tell me about the fingering
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