I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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