toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
