dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
