If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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