she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
