i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
