one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
