We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm just crazy horny about you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
