she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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