awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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