Will you blow on my dice?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
