did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
